Diary of the NW: Random Stories



Dear B P.


        Rogue Conway is an ass!


        Just because he caught us spying on him and his brothers didn’t mean he had to go stand on a table in the middle of the cafeteria and yell out that me and my friends were perverted peepers. It’s not like we were hiding behind bushes and peering into their windows. No, we were upstairs in my house, in my bedroom, looking out my window. So what if the lights happened to be off and the window opened. My room was hot and stuffy. We just wanted to let some fresh air in. And it’s their fault my binoculars were out. The Conway boys were causing another big ruckus out in their front yard and it was only natural curiosity that took us to the window. They’d never have found out about our little pastime if my noisy mother had just minded her own business and had not barged into my room and flipped on the lights. She lit us up like the freakin’ Fourth of July!


        We are not “peepers.” Or “spooks,” which is another name the kids at school now throw at us. And we are not “night crawlers,” or “mooners.” Jackass Rogue Conway flat out lied when he said I was mooning them. It’s not true! Not true at all! All I was doing was trying frantically to get my mom to kill the lights. I wasn’t throwing my butt out there for his benefit, and for him to accuse me of “mooning” them is a flat out lie. And I was not naked. That’s another lie he’s been perpetrating. I was in my nude sleep shorts, for crying out loud! I told him that to his face and asked him to stop spreading vicious lies about me and my friends but he just laughed and kept the lie going. He’s a freakin” jerk. 


        My mother is part of the Neighborhood Watch. Dad wants nothing to do with the group. He says he just fine with Mr. Glock at his side. My friends and I sort of belong to the NW. We keep our eyes on the Conway boys who live across the street from me. They’re so loud but I guess that’s how it is when you have a house full of rowdy males. Mr. and Mrs. Conway have five, ranging from eighteen to sixteen. Rogue is sixteen, like me and my friends, so that makes him a sophomore too, and we all attend Twining High School. When the Conways moved in to the house across the street last summer, I was in heaven. Good looking guys living across the way from me…Jackpot! Not anymore. Now I spend a lot of time wishing I could be a stealthy ninja so I could climb unnoticed into Rogue’s room and beat the hell out of him for all the hurt and humiliation he’s caused my friends and me. I can’t believe I used to have a severe crush on that a-hole. I can’t believe he’s convinced that my feeling for him are unchanged. He is mentally damaged, I’m sure of it. He may need closer watching.


        There’s Mary Rose, Meilee, Bree, and me. I’m Jamie, which is just perfect for Rogue’s snot-nosed friends who laugh at me and call me “Jamie Bond.” Oh, hardy har har. Not even original! We’re not part of Rogue’s popular group. We don’t even qualify to be called nerds because our grades suck and we don’t care and we’re not moody enough to be lumped with the emo group. We are members of the group the masses ignore. We used to crave attention but we don’t anymore. Thanks to Rogue Conway, we’re now like the biggest freak show at Twining High. Even some of the dorks and nerds think they can get away with insulting us. I decked Descart Owens in the hallway the other day because he asked me to share my “goods.” He thought he was being so cool in front of his two lame-ass friends. I got detention because the bum ratted me out.


        Mary Rose used to be a Scientologist. She said her family was deprogrammed a few years before coming to live on my street. She an atheist now. Meilee is adamant she has psychic abilities but she has yet to successfully foretell anything. Two weeks ago she predicted that things would change for the better for us. I’m still waiting for the “better” to come along. The harassing has only worsened. Bree is religious but I don’t buy it. She hangs out with an atheist and is always badgering Meilee for a reading. Isn’t that against the Bible or something? Me? I’m just me. The only child of Juliet and Sal Romano. I’m quiet, really just a tag along, but sometimes my Italian temper flares up and I throw a mean right hook. Descart’s busted nose is proof of that. My mom blames my Uncle Tony for my occasional “unladylike” conduct, which is ridiculous. Granted, Uncle Tony is a rough character but I highly doubt I’ll ever start a brawl in a bar and end up on the city’s chain gang. Uncle Tony and seven other troublemakers have to troll the roadways in lime-green jumpsuits picking up trash. Uncle Tony likes to fight. I like to stay by myself and get lost in books but sometimes a girl has gotta stand up for herself. Tony taught me how to swing a fist when I was in middle school being bullied. He said to always aim for the nose. He said that people don’t like to see their own blood spilled so it’s an excellent way to get their attention and to bring a fight to a fast halt. Well, it sure did get the principal’s attention and me detention. 


        According to school chatter, the Conway parents are going out of town for the weekend so the boys are planning to throw a huge party at their house. We’re not invited, of course, but I’m thinking this would be an excellent time to get revenge on Rogue. The girls and I need to get together and come up with some ideas. I’m thinking blackmail, A video of some nefarious kind that I could upload to his Facebook page. Maybe we could buy some paintball guns and blast him with red paint but I have to be careful here. I don’t want to be charged with assault or destruction of property and end up in jail with Uncle Tony. There’s always the laxatives in their drinks possibility, but we’d have to gain entry somehow. Maybe Uncle Tony has some ideas. I may have to go visit him in jail. But it’s gotta be done. I’m beyond the point of caring about consequences. It’s time for war! This bullying has run its course. I’m getting kind of hyped about this revenge thing. Might be an Italian thing. Who knows? I’ll let you know what happens.


        Until then, stay Blank.


***A few years back a neighbor’s home was burglarized and nobody saw a single thing. We have Neighborhood Watch signs  proclaiming vigilance but…yeah. Our solution was to all get bars on our windows. Happy March lst.